Someone will say it’s the way your parents
initiated their
use. Others will point to 23 & Me and insist that it
lies
completely in your genes, because some people eat cilantro
and taste soap
and others don’t. One rogue group believes
it’s a matter of aesthetics:
the color of the condiment trumps
all.
Watching someone put ketchup on a hot dog, for
instance,
causes me to wince and imagine the unimaginable: what the
mix of
ketchup and dog might taste like. There are states
that I’m told have laws about
ketchup use: shall only be used
on fries. Which, of course,
makes perfect sense. Would or
could you say that someone who misuses a condiment
has
no taste no taste? And there are those who commit even
more serious
breaches, like putting mayonnaise on a
dog. This is so far over the line
I’d forgive anyone who water-
boarded such transgressors.
There is no constitutional right or protection
against
condiment misuse. While I know the government has its
priorities (like creating
a Space Force or dealing with anyone
who is a shade darker than the President),
I think a new
branch of federal agents called The Condiment Cops should
be seriously
considered. Assigned to all stadiums and public
venues, these CC’s could mete
out instant justice when they
identify misuse, an approach I think everyone
would relish.
Mixed use, of course, would have to be contested
in the courts …
No comments:
Post a Comment