The Storm in March 2011- 7 days without power...

The chairs and the view from them...

SWarms

So my kid tells me, "You’ve gotta try this Shake Weight—you will not believe the workout it gives your arms!" I'm skeptical, but he knowsstuff … and he's built like I used to be, like I want to be again. I buy the Shake Weight. Three to four months later, I'm telling people, "You’ve gotta try this— it’s incredible!"

Remember the advertisements on the back of comic books? The ones where you could sell salve or seeds? There was always an ad where the guy is on the beach and gets sand kicked into his face. The girl next to him is embarrassed and looks away. Then, after the guy does months of "Atlas" training, the next frame shows how he clocks the bully and the girl is swooning. Well, no sand, but it’s … incredible!

 

The house... and my second solo through Utah...

My Second loop through Utah,  Nevada....

Unfinished play: The Last House on Waverley

 so far...

     THE LAST HOUSE ON WAVERLEY

 

Glenn raggio

____________________________________________________________

Players: 

George Keaty

Betty Keaty

Pamela Moyer-Stark

Mr. Snodgrass

Mr. Scibetta

Mrs. Scibetta

Larry Keaty

Nina

                                              

                                             Act One

                                       Scene One

It’s the day before the earthquake of '89.  Real estate is at a premium.  Houses are selling for 10-20 times what the owners originally paid.  Many have taken the money and run..

The scene is the living room of a modest 3-bedroom home on Waverley St. in Palo Alto, the home of Betty and George Keaty. The curtain rises, the Keatys are seated at the dining room table having breakfast. George is clad in a robe and is obviously unhappy.  Keaty walks to the front of the stage.

                                     

                            

                                

( George Keaty- aside )

I know, everyone’s doing it.  Taking the money and running.  But you see when I bought this house it wasn't so I could move to Arizona later.  Besides, I hate Arizona.  Heat lives in Arizona. You didn't know that, that's where heat is originally from. And moving to Oregon doesn't sound that appealing either.  People in Oregon hate Californians. Everyone knows that. Why don't I just move to Paris?  Don't get me wrong, Oregon’s a great state, and they love visitors. Hell, they even tolerate Californians—for a time.  Have you checked into a motel in Oregon? The only people they ask "How long will you be staying?" are Californians!  Oh, you can try to hide it.  But the first time you ask for an espresso or a side order of tofu, it’s like being in the invasion of the body snatchers. All of sudden you're being chased down the street by hoards of screaming people.    And don't try to sell me on Washington, okay? They're the only Americans who get water spots on their teeth.  The happiest people in Washington are salamanders. Yeah, I want to live in a place where everyone walks around with little wallet-size pictures of the sun. 

(starts to walk back to the table, stops and returns to the front of the stage)

I love Palo Alto.  My kid grew up here.  I got my first root canal here.  I lost $400 in a pyramid scheme here. I got my only hole-in-one at Paly Muni.   Who's gonna remember?

   I met my wife here!

Now she wants to sell like all the others.  It's just, well, I get the feeling if I move,  it'll go away—like it never really happened. Someone’s got to stay!  It’s like I'm the proof, you know? 

Every street has a bit of history to it,  a bit of  home to it.  Am I supposed to give up all that so I can live in some strange place, so I can grin at the mortgage bill every month?  We get by.  We, we get by just fine. 

I just didn't want you to think I was stubborn without a cause.   

                           

                             

                               

(George walks back to the table and sits)

                               Betty

Eat your eggs Geo, before they move and you don't have anything to cry into.

You're making more of this than there really is-  

(George picks up the newspaper  and pretends to ignore her)

It’s her job!  Besides,  it’s interesting finding out how much the house is worth.  

(Geo turns a page) 

She got top dollar for the Neithammers.  The Carlsons sold their house for $625,000, the Foxes made over $500,000 when they sold.

(Geo stands up suddenly and glares at Betty, points at her and walks over to the couch and falls heavily on the over-stuffed cushions)

                                     Geo.  

Don't mention the name Fox in my presence again. That, that Benedict Arnold! That's what friendship was worth to him—$500,000!

                                                                           

                                       

                                    

                                  Betty

Are you angry because you lost your best friend and golf buddy or is it because you know now he's playing every day in Arizona?

                                   

                                    Geo.  

Jerry Fox needs to play every day. The worst slice since lunch meat.  I swear, if there wasn't any gravity the ball would circle back around and kill him! 

Where did they all go?  It’s like all of a sudden they just disappeared—she was selling their houses so quick people were afraid to buy green bananas!

                                    Betty 

You better get dressed, dear. She'll be here any minute. Not that I wouldn't want her to see you in your Roy Rogers robe … 

                               Geo. 

(from behind his paper) 

I will never get dressed again, and leave my robe out of this.

(Reads for a moment)

I'm certainly not getting dressed for the likes of Pamela Moyer-Stark.  That (pauses)  woman has sold every house on this block—and some twice!

You know,  rumor has it she caught another woman eyeing her husband at the Black and White Ball and spent the whole evening trying to get bid [?] on him.  (stops  and smiles, shakes his head)

Perfect initials—PMS!

                                      

Betty begins clearing the table. As she exits into the kitchen Geo realizes he is not going to get her attention.. He angrily throws the paper aside and talks to the vacant door..

The last time she was here she told me if I fertilized I might get an extra $20,000. Can you imagine! One trip to Woolworth Garden Center and I make what I made for a year  in 1968. (Stands, starts to pace and shouts)   An extra bathroom was $10,000. (Points to the paper)  Now I know why the city is enlarging all the canals—everyone's putting in bathrooms.  The city has to prepare for all the new flushing!  (Sits back down on the couch)  I drive down the street and I can't see one  familiar face.

                                Betty

The mailman, George, we still have the same mailman!

                              

                                                     Geo

That's not familiar, that's not familiar—that's redundant!  Besides, with all the address changes, he's picking up  more mail than he's delivering.

Strangers! Think about it, Bet, the city's gonna be nothing but strangers. We'll be the only ones left.

                                 Betty   

(from the kitchen)

Gee, with all that seniority they might make you honorary mayor.

                                 Geo. 

Go ahead, make a joke of it. You won't think it’s so funny when they close Foothills Park.

                                Betty

(still from the kitchen)

Now why would they do that?

                

                                       

                                 Geo. 

‘Cause you and I will be the only ones with a driver’s license that has a Palo Alto address!  Honest, Betty, we gotta make a stand. Used to be everyone was from New York. Now there're license plates out there from states I never heard of!

Betty rushes from the kitchen to the front window (well  dressed.)

                               

                                                Betty 

She's here!

 (Geo get ups and stands by the window and then looks Betty up and down)

                                         Geo. 

How come it takes you four hours to get dressed for work and four minutes for Medusa?

( They look outside the front window and George points and sighs)

Look, she's on the phone. Probably finding out how much our house went up since she left the office. If I had a phone in my car the only person I could call would be you. Everyone else has moved.

                                 Betty 

Here she comes. Geo, be polite, remember—

(together)  it’s her job!

Doorbell chimes, Betty opens the door. An over-dressed woman in her late forties enters.

                               Betty 

Come in, come in, Mrs. Stark. We've been expecting you.

                           Mrs. Stark

I hope I’m not too early.

                                  

                                    Geo. 

Yeah well, actually you are.  I didn't get to plant any of the land mines in the driveway.

 (Sits down on the couch and pretends to read.  Betty says quickly)

                                Betty 

I heard we've got some new neighbors?

                         Mrs. Stark  

The Smiths!

                                    Geo.

(from behind his paper nods his head)  

Great,  now we’ve got generic neighbors.

                                 Stark

They're charming.  He's a CPA. And she's an animal psychologist from Bozeman.

(Geo's head falls forward)

                                 

                                        Betty 

( turns to Geo) 

Leave it alone, George.

                           Mrs. Stark

Well, anyway, I know you'll find them …

                               Geo. 

Charming.

                              

                               Stark  

(shrugs).

 I’ve made some rough figures for you to consider. I'm sure you'll find them quite interesting and  profitable!  Number one, at the current market price I see a reasonable figure being around $725,00  (phone rings‑correction—$735,000. (Betty and George’s faces move from the phone to each other in unison)

Now, you paid $36,000 with closing and insurance.   I see you realizing at least $600,000 clear after taxes on your $36,000 investment.

I can sell you into Bend, Oregon, with a four-bedroom, three-car garage with a view of the Deschutes River and Mt. Bachelor for under $85,000. You bank the profit and live off the interest with a much higher income than you're currently realizing.  (Silence) I can include moving costs, personal interruption payments, and first-year membership fees at the Sunriver Country Club.

(Geo begins to laugh, and even Betty can't help but fall into a short spasm of chuckles)

(Geo stands up from the couch.)

                                    Geo. 

I have to confess, Mrs. Stark—can I call you Pam? You are the most organized human being I have ever met. (Walks over to her)

Personal interruption payments?  I don't even want to know what those are!

(points to his wife)

My wife wants to sell, not me. I want to live here until I’m too old to move. I want to be buried here in my Roy Rogers robe.

                               Stark 

Ginger is dead, Mr. Keaty, and even Roy Rogers rides a new horse. It’s time to think of your future, your wife's future.

                                Geo  

Your commission?

                               Stark 

Perhaps I should come back at a better time.

                               Geo

 How about the next Ice Age?

                            

                            Betty

George!

                                               George 

Well, I just don't think I can stand another charming  neighbor. 

(Grabs Mrs Stark and pulls her to the front window and points across the street )

                                                     George  

Behold! the Shimadas, our next-to-last new neighbors.

                             

                                                          Betty 

George, don't point!

                                                      George 

Oh, it’s okay now, dear. Their curtain is drawn. Do you know what happens when the curtains aren’t drawn, Mrs. Stark?

                                                      Stark

  (uneasy)

 No ... Tell me.

                              

                                                     George

Well, our charming neighbors from Japan  bow whenever they see one of us,  and we, of course, not wanting to be out-charmed, bow back!

This has been going on for a month.

                                             Stark. 

Why don't you say something to them?

                             

                                                     George

 ( holds up his hand)  

We have,  Mrs. Stark, we have. And they always agree. Nonetheless, whenever they see us they still insist on bowing. Of course there are some advantages—Betty doesn't have to go to aerobics any longer—she just stands in front of the window for an hour!

                                                 Betty 

I really don't mind. In fact, I think it’s kind of cute.

                                  Geo 

(interrupts) 

That's not the point. This, this is the point … 

( grabs Mrs. Stark and pulls her to couch)  

Imagine, Mrs. Stark, you've lived in the same house for 21 years. The same room, almost the same bed, certainly the same wife and at eleven o'clock,  at every eleven o'clock,  that woman … 

( points to his wife)  

Turns on the news and brings me my last cup of water. Doc says I’m to have at least five a day.

                            Mrs. Stark 

I'm afraid you're losing me.

                               Geo  

(looks at the audience with a half smile)

                              Betty 

(exasperated) 

George!

                         

                            Mrs.Stark. 

The point, Mr. Keaty—you were getting to the point.

                                Geo.

Bladders, Mrs. Stark, bladders.  You see, I’ve had my bladder longer than my wife  or this house. It knows exactly how many steps it takes to go to the bathroom. They start out as normal steps but become increasingly more desperate as they approach the only bathroom we have. 

Mine is an efficient bladder, Mrs. Stark. It often starts things in advance—programmed behavior I’m sure our new neighbors the Smiths would appreciate.  The other night I had my water, the involuntary started, and I made my way down the hall. Usually by the time I get to the kitchen my gait has increased and without doubt by the time I am through that door—the point of no return—I have just enough control to hit the light, raise the seat, and go! 

But two nights ago, Mrs. Stark, while coming through that door, Mrs. Shimada happened to be at her front window…  (angrily) my bladder could not see Mrs. Shimada, Mrs. Stark!

                                

                                       Betty

In other words, Mrs. Stark,  he's no longer a good role model for our dog, "biscuits."  in fact, we're afraid to let him back in the house .

                                   Geo. 

All  because you talked the foxes into $500,000 and interruption payments.

                           Mrs. Stark

The foxes? Anything has to be better than looking across the street and seeing those zebra-skin  curtains!

                                 Geo. 

I happened to like their zebra-skin curtains and their bronzed Birkenstock door knocker, their canary-yellow shag rug, and yes, even their six-foot lava lamp!  (Points to the lamp in the corner)

                                  Betty   

(shakes her head)  

How you got the Shimadas to pay $650,000 for that house is a real tribute to you, Mrs. Stark.

                                 

                                              Geo

(glares at Betty)

(the doorbell chimes)

                                Mrs.Stark  

Oh, that must be the termite inspector.

(George turns to Betty and shakes his finger at her)

                                  Betty   

George …

( Turns to Mrs.Stark)

 I mean, Mrs. Stark, we never agreed to an inspection …

                                Mrs. Stark

Don't be silly, every house needs an inspection, if for nothing else than peace of mind.

                                  Geo 

Allow me to give  you a peace of …

(doorbell chimes several times)

                            Mrs. Stark

At least let the poor man in, Mr. Keaty.

                                  Geo 

If he's done all your inspections, Stark, he's probably far from poor. In fact, he's probably rich and  famous.

 ( Signals Betty to open the door)

Betty opens the door and short obese man enters timidly.

                            Mrs. Stark  

Mr. And Mrs. Keaty, I would like you to meet Mr. Snodgrass. 

                                     Geo

(stares at the inspector)  

This is going to crawl under my house? This could not crawl under my dining room table!

(Snodgrass turns to leave)

Mrs. Stark

Stay where you are, Mr. Snodgrass. (He freezes)

                                  George

Oh, I wouldn't stay where you are, Mr. Snodgrass. Unless I’m mistaken, you're staying around 270 to 290 as it is. If you don't make some kind of move soon, the only place you're likely to  be staying is under someone’s house for good. Then those termites you've been inspecting all these years will be inspecting you.

                                   Betty

George! How can you be so rude? You hardly know this man.

                                      Geo.  

He knows her…

(Points to Mrs.Stark) 

Doesn't he?  That's all I need to know. 

                          Mr. Snodgrass 

(timidly)  

 I have a robe just like that. 

(points at Geo's robe)

(They all turn to Geo, expecting compassion)

                                  Geo 

This is a god-damn conspiracy. I'm gonna go shower! (Exits)

                          Mrs. Stark    

That man will never change.

                               

                                  Betty 

You really should have said something about the inspection, Mrs. Stark.

                             Mrs. Stark. 

Mrs. Keaty,  I have news for you.  I have a couple coming at four o'clock to look at the place.

(Mr. Snodgrass looks at his watch and nearly panics— turns for the door )

                           Mr. Snodgrass 

I better get moving. I want to be miles from here by four.   (Exits)

                                   Betty  

(Walks over to the couch and sits) 

 How could you?  George will kill me! No, he'll kill you first. Then he'll kill me.

                              Mrs. Stark

Look, we'll just do a quick walk-through. See if you can get him out of the house for a few hours-

                               Betty

A few hours?  These people must walk awfully slowly!

                           

                               Stark

 

(Starts for the door)   

You never know when the market will dry up, Mrs. Keaty.

                            Betty 

That's what you told the Foxes $200,000 before they finally sold.

                            Mrs. Stark

  (surprised at the comment)

 Four o'clock, Mrs. Keaty.  Get him out for at least an hour, will you?

Stark leaves.  Betty is worried  and now paces the living room nervously .  She looks around and starts to clean up frantically.  She pulls out the vacuum as Geo enters, drying his hair.

                                                            George 

You just vacuumed yesterday!

Geo looks towards the audience, waves and bows.   (Shimadas strike again)

                                 Betty

 ( nervously)  

Uh, I just noticed I missed a few spots.

                              

                                   Geo

(inspects the rug)  

Looks fine to me.

                                  Betty

(angry)  

Well it has to look fine to  me, okay?

                                   Geo

Okay, okay, don't bite my head off!

George sits on the couch and watches her vacuum for a while. Decides to turn on the TV.

                                 Betty

(Looks at her watch and turns off the TV.)

I think we should go play golf.

                                

                                                George 

Uh-oh.

                                            Betty

  Well, it’s a beautiful day and …

                                  Geo 

Uh-oh.

                               

                                 Betty

Will you stop that?! You sound like the Rainman.

                                  George

Well, since when do you want to go play golf?  The last time we went we nearly got divorced. Besides, I think the quote went something like this, "If I live to be 2000 I will  never,”  etc., etc.

                                   Betty

(interrupts)   

I just think it’s a waste of money not to use those brand new clubs you bought me. Besides, it’s a …

                           Betty and Geo  

(together)  

Beautiful day!

Betty and Geo prepare to leave. Just as they start to exit, Betty rushes across the room to straighten out a crooked picture.

                                Geo 

Don't tell me the she's got a picture inspector coming.

                         

 ( Betty laughs nervously and pushes Geo out the door.)

                                             scene two

The stage goes dark. A spotlight is turned on Geo and Betty pulling golf carts along the front part of the stage. They are looking around for something.

                                     Geo 

I told you a thousand million times (yells)  watch your ball!

                                 Betty 

Well, I thought I did. Besides, look at this grass: it looks as though they haven't cut it in months.

                              

                                   Geo. 

( head sinks )  

It’s called the rough, and they purposely let it grow— it’s a hazard.

                              

                                   Betty 

What a stupid game! Of course it’s a hazard. How do they expect you to find your …

(Betty looks at Geo and stops)  

You're getting that look.

                              Geo

 No, no I’m not.

                             Betty

Yes, yes you are. Manson, you look just like Manson.

                              Geo  

(warningly)

 Look for your ball, Betty.

                                 Betty

(Begins looking for her ball again but doesn't stop talking)   

Now I’m getting the voice. All I wanted to do …

(Stops suddenly and bends over)  I found it!!  ( Picks up a ball, inspects the ball carefully.)  

No, this isn't it.

                                  Geo  

How do you know?

                                Betty

Because I was playing a Top-flite and this is a Titlist.

                                 Geo 

(Heads sinks, but jerks back up quickly)   (Looks to see if anyone is in earshot) 

If you lose your ball and you find another one that starts with the same letter as the one you lost, well, then you get to keep it and there’s no penalty.  It’s called ...  

(very quickly)

The first-letter rule.

                                Betty 

I never heard of that.

                                     George

   Oh yeah, it’s been a rule for a long time.

                             Betty

Well, if you ask me it’s the only thing about this game I’ve heard so far that makes sense.

(Looks at Geo and tilts her head)

You're getting that face again, George.

                                   

                                      Scene Three

Spotlights dim on Betty and Geo. Living room scene. Lights rise to find Mrs. Stark lying on the couch.. The doorbell rings.

                               

                             

                               Mrs. Stark

  Come in!

Mr. Snodgrass enters.

                     Mr. Snodgrass

 

Well, everything checks out pretty well. Nothing too serious. Do you want an official report?

Stark answers without looking up

                

                                 Stark

Not immediately, no,  it might give me some leverage if the Keatys decide not to sell.

Doorbell rings. Mrs. Stark jumps up and  adjusts her hair,.

Opens the door, and pushes Mr. Snodgrass out, yelling to him as she pulls the young couple at the doorway in.

                               

                                 Stark

Yells at Mr. Snodgrass out the door.

Fill out the credit forms, Mr. Corman, but no promises. You're in a long line of people  who want this one!

Slams the door.

                                Stark

  Oh my! You must be the Scibettas.  Well, here it is!

A youngish couple carefully entersr and pauses after a few steps.  Mrs. Stark stands proudly with her hands folded on her chest.

                                       Mr. Scibetta

Geez, I feel like I just walked into 1957. 

                         Mrs. Stark

Impossible, they didn't have lava lamps in 1957. 

                        Mrs. Scibetta

Where are the owners?

                            

                               Stark

Uh, on a short cruise. They're hardly ever home.

(Biscuits, the dog, barks from the garage)

Of course I care for their dog while they're gone.

(The couple inspects the house room by room and returns to the living room. Stark is nervously inspecting her watch.)

Well?  Isn't it just lovely?

                            

                             Mr. Scibetta

Well, it's kind of small.  We're planning on having a family soon and …

(Stark interrupts)  

Mrs. Stark

                                        

The Keatys have a wonderful son, and to my knowledge he grew to normal height. Besides, you'll want to make changes. You can build up, enlarge. Oh my,  a person with even the dullest imagination could see the possibilities!

                         

                           Mr. Scibetta

Hey, now wait a min..

(His wife interrupts him)

                         

                                                 Mrs. Scibetta

You know, if we knocked out this wall and added a room …

(Stark quickly glides to Mrs. Scibetta’s side she enlaces her arm with Mrs. Scibetta and slowly walks her toward the wall)

                              Stark

I knew the instant you walked in you had vision and imagination.  I have a sense about these things, you know.

                  

                           Mrs. Scibetta

Why do the owners want to leave?

                              Stark 

(Pauses a moment and puts her hands together, slightly bows her head.)

You know, I promised not to mention anything, but you both look so understanding.  The Keatys are selling because Mr. Keaty hasn't much time.

He's got one of those diseases I can't even pronounce.  They want to sell as soon as possible so they can spend their last days in complete comfort—a tropical comfort. That's why they're so anxious to sell …

                      Mrs. Scibetta

That must put a great deal of pressure on you.

                                 Stark

Yes, I think of Mr. Keaty and fatal diseases nearly every day.

                                Mrs. Scibetta

Oh, James, it’s the cutest we've looked at yet …

The set dims and lights with the Keatys seated on the couch.

                               Betty

I hope Larry didn't run into much traffic.

George rises and begins to pace

                               

                                   Geo

Don't mention run and my son in the same sentence—they're opposites.  The only way my son could run is if he were on the moon.

                              Betty

George,   I mean it.  Stay away from the topic of weight.  You know how bad he feels about it.

                              Geo

Imagine how his clothes must feel about it!

I,  George Keaty, produced a chubby son. 

If I knew I was going to have a chubby son I would have started watching wrestling before he was born.

He tricks us for 13 years walking around like he's not going be chubby,  then, boom!  He becomes a teenager and goes chubby on us.  Wasn't it wonderful hearing that high whine of pants-friction as he walked? I never knew if he was going to set himself on fire or build up so much static electricity he'd get electrocuted going to the bathroom.   

Betty folds her arms and stares at Geo

I know, I know.  I'm just getting it all out now.  Besides, it’s really not my fault as much as yours.   I mean, you have chubby people on your side of the family. So it’s natural you'd be more familiar with the problem. 

                           

                             Betty

It was one of those things I desperately kept a secret before our marriage—my family's calorie consumption.  Besides, it occurs to me, your Uncle Ron hasn't seen his feet in socks for a number of years.

                                     George

He was adopted.

(Geo walks toward the audience and bows to the Shimadas, then freezes.  Betty gets up from the couch and together they look out the front window.)

      

Tell me she's not letting him do what I think he's doing.

(They both wince)

                                       Betty

That's Mrs. Smith!  Beautiful dog.

                                     Geo

The animal lady from Utah.

                                    Betty

Bozeman.

Geo raises his palm to Betty                                   

                                     Geo

I know, he's, he's probably just "acting out” 

(Shouts)

On my lawn!

Probably the only dog in the world who avoids the couch! 

(Geo rushes to the door, opens it, and shouts)

Thanks! We'll try to get that back to you as soon as we can!

                              

                                          Betty

George, come over here and sit down for a moment.  I need to tell you something.

                           

                                       George

Uh-oh,  you know I hate surprises, Betty. even good surprises.  The last time you had that look with that voice, we got audited. The time before that, you thought you were pregnant.  Am I going to need water?

                         Betty

Larry's bringing a friend.

(Geo interrupts)

                                    Geo

He's gay!  I’ve got a gay son.  Geo Keaty has a gay son. No, George Keaty has a chubby gay son.

                           Betty

George, he's not gay! Since when are you anti-gay?  I thought your opinion was "Live and let live." besides, your boss Arnold is gay and you like him.

                               Geo

Christ, Betty, the man’s a 2 handicap.  I mean, you gotta respect a 2 handicap.  Besides, he signs my checks and makes homemade Christmas cards.

Okay, enough of the gay thing. What the hell is it?

(Betty stares at Geo)

Okay, okay, it wouldn't kill me if he was gay. A thin gay.  Hell, I wouldn't care if he married ben-gay as long as he lost 25 pounds!

                              Betty

I thought you were done with the weight thing.

 

                                  Geo

So did I.  I guess I had a few more caloric criticisms hidden I didn't realized I had. What the hell is it, Betty? The suspense is softening my teeth.

                                 Betty

(Holds up her hands)

                  

Larry’s bringing a friend over, a female friend.

                                  George

(Geo is obviously lost for words.  He looks around the room in full thought.)

              

This is the same Larry we both know?  The kid who grew up in the room over there? The one who covered his eyes when he saw your niece’s doll half dressed?

He's bringing a woman home?  27 years and he finally met a woman—with a fat fetish.

(Betty socks him in the arm )

                               

                              Betty

George, your son is not fat.  And he probably has had many girlfriends but he was afraid to bring them home.  You embarrass him constantly.  I'm surprised he still shows up for Thanksgiving.

Don't go there.